You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
