I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
