you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
