Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
