dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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