Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
So apparently I’m into choking now
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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