THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize