He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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