Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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