sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
