He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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