He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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