You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
