There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
