Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Dear god my vagina.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
