I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
