Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
