Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
