Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
