he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
even my farts smell like vagina
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You took a bar mat shot.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
