No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
