Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
