Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
i think i scared a bird with my dick
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize