At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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