dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
