yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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