Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
