So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
