I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
