2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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