bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
