and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
