that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
