i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
