he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
