Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize