Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Couch. On fire.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
