"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Dick very happy bro
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
