So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
So much rum. So many feels.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
