no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize