I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You left your underwear on the fireplace
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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