I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
