your thong is hanging out like whoa
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
