you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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