The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
