She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
