I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
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