i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
