My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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