Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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