Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
