Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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