1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
