I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
