Kiss
Puke
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
