I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
