the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Green mimosas i think yes
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
