Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
