I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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