Jerry, you need to find god
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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