What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
