Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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