wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
