You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
