I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
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