I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
