it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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