my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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