somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
tell me about the eggs
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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