You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize